360 Days to Redefine my Spiritual Practice through a Wholeness Lens

Over the past year, I have been realigning each aspect of my life to reflect a tenet of wholeness. Spiritual reckoning is the element that has been the most time-consuming. Spirituality has always been the core of how I learned to live in the world, how I related to others. Intentional time was needed to separate my beliefs from the ones that were ascribed to me as a child and understand which pieces of my faith-based practice were necessary for me to keep to be whole.

Quick Recap of Wholeness Theory

In our exploration of wholeness, we have established that being whole is a choice, and a practice. Most importantly, how you engage in the practice of being whole is unique to you. There are no boundaries or molds to ascribe to except those that are self-imposed. Wholeness allows for a vulnerability of self. It forsakes the idea of perfectionism and replaces it with the value of brokenness and regular self-discovery. It encourages the duality of resilience as both introspective and existential. It seeks answers to the following questions regularly:

• Who am I today in my own authentic skin?
• How did I get here? Where am I going?
• How does who I am and the identities that I hold affect how I walk in and experience the world?

Hand in hand with vulnerability is resilience. Brene Brown says:

True resilience is developed when a person has discovered true agency.

She describes agency as being hopeful and realizing that you can handle the obstacles life throws your way. You my friend, like the rest of us, are perfectly imperfect.

One of the tenets of wholeness, is discovering and practicing your agency, and your resilience as a spiritual being. Growing up in a rigid faith tradition can be fraught with complexities and contradictions. Your growing and evolving identities and values may conflict with what you were historically taught, understood, and even believed to be true. Personally, learning about the monumental role of oppression that Christianity has historically had in the oppression of peoples in brown, black and queer bodies gives me pause and widens a chasm in my connection to the religious practice.

When the foundation of a belief and value that you’ve had all of your life falters, it is normal to question yourself and your individual value as a human being. How can I live loudly and authentically when a core tenet of who I am is shaken? Am I still a Christian or does owning that identity inherently make me complicit in oppression?

These questions and explorations of self are invaluable. Take time to reflect mindfully on your feelings and contradictions. Give them space to appear in your mind without judging them or yourself. Allow yourself half formed thoughts and brokenness. Be compassionate to your evolving belief systems and understand that evolution of thought and belief is both natural, developmental and healthy. Reconciliation and healing is about being open to growth, accepting that you don’t have all of the answers and understanding that your belief systems are not set in stone.

Today is just a marker on your journey, not the end goal. Give yourself permission to keep growing, exploring and questioning- that, my friend, is spirituality. Write down your beliefs of today and date them, return to them as necessary.

Once I recognized the importance of the evolution and became braver in owning self-compassion and contradiction, I began to live my life more authentically and true. I started to ask some tough questions of myself.

• Which aspects of my faith/spiritual practice feed me spiritually and help me live fully and wholly?
• Which aspects of my faith/spiritual practice are draining my cup, rather than filling it?

Then, I asked the hardest question which was… Why church? Why Christianity?

I grew up going to church every Sunday with my family. My whole life revolved around church. Choir practice, dance practice, sunday school, youth group, etc. When I started moving around for graduate school and work, it was difficult for me to find faith based organizations that fit what I was looking for and my belief system. I felt lost because I stopped searching for a church home. The search is draining on my soul and spirit. I have been without a church home for the last four years. Today, I feel less badly because in my spiritual exploration, I started being honest with myself. There were only two things that I loved about going to church. 1. Praise and worship. Music fills my soul in a way that preaching cannot and never will. 2. The community that adopted my family and I. I love fellowship and communities that bond together to help each other. My childhood church was a church of immigrants. They helped each other both feel safer in their adopted country and found ways to thrive and rebuild the communities that they emigrated from in this new context. My adopted aunties, uncles and cousins were everything to me, as were our frequent gatherings that centered around food and stories. The family I had was huge and within it I was safe.

I went through this process, asking these questions for 360 days. Writing, reiterating, exploring, and praying. Guess what I learned?…. My soul-filling spiritual practice has a few components to it that I need to survive and to feel whole.

1. Community/ Community Organizing 2. Service 3. Music/ Expression 4. Quiet Self Reflection 5. Empowerment and Purpose Defining 6. Social Justice

When any of these 6 tenets are out of sink, so am I. I encourage you to ask yourself the same questions. Explore your spirituality and be honest with yourself about what feeds you and what you are looking to gain from your personal practice and faith-communities.

I know now that I don’t need a faith-based community to have music ministry or fellowship. It may be more difficult to find and maintain without that established backbone and regularity of “church culture” but also the fight to create and maintain relationships makes them feel more authentic.

My spiritual practice now is more meditative. I listen to gospel and christian contemporary music first thing every morning. It helps me to center and provides positivity to start my day. I do pray and read my bible and sometimes I even watch some youtube preachers or tune into my mom’s church online. Mostly, I spend time in nature and providing service within the communities around me. With service, I feel like I truly share God’s love and walk in the teachings of love.

That to me feels like purpose.

Good luck with defining your spiritual practice. Give yourself time and forgive yourself along the way. Self-discovery is not easy but it is truly rewarding.